I found a letter you wrote me, pressed inside the pages of an old notebook. It’s been so long I don’t exactly remember when it was written. You spoke of missing me while I was out of town, excitement at seeing me when I was due home that night and then a list. A list of the things you loved about me.
Loved. Past tense.
Reading the list makes my throat clench and blurs my vision with hot angry tears. You loved me, you loved me this much and still we destroyed it. I destroyed it. I’m so sorry.
You will never see this, our worlds rarely brush against each other, we’re very careful to avoid that. If I ever loved you I can prove it by letting you go, hoping for your happiness, owning my responsibility and swallowing my sadness. It doesn’t mean I don’t miss you though, because I do. Terribly.
This made me think of some of my own heartache I haven’t thought on for some time. There are some scars that never heal all the way just fade
Great photo of the arch at Cabo, love that place. This story reminds me of the one that got away and never should have, 1981…
Exactly. If only we had wisdom
Indeed. Just a jagged red reminder
I could feel a lump in my throat when I read this letter! 🙁
Me too. It’s ok. The sadness passes
Wow. Thank you. You nailed that experience in all its complexity. It jumps off the page, and hurts. But it does feel good to read it.
Thanks! It was very cathartic to write.
Very nice, we all face heart ache and your letter captured that so well!
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Sometimes we would really like “do-overs” wouldn’t we.
It would be nice 🙂
Beautiful blog. Very expressive.
probably the most raw thing I’ve written, thank you
my heart aches for you, my eyes are welling up. I’ve lived this heartache, am living it now. Does it ever pass? Not really. It just fades into the wells of our beings for a time, to occasionally erupt like a geyser when we find long lost love notes. Hugs. <3
thank you! it gets easier. I was a little shocked myself at how raw it felt after so long (11 years), I think the heart never completely forgets. *hugs*
Yes it does ease with time, thankfully! Thank you, too.
The emotions in this post are so real and intense!
Thanks. It was more raw than I anticipated but I figured I would leave it as it came out rather than try to edit it. Editing seemed kind of dishonest to the snapshot of that moment.